It’s not really murder, if you ask for it. It’s not really suicide either. But the result is the same.

#Gah this scene just breaks me #He’s drunk and broken because he was just turned down by the crossroads demon #and he’s totally lost #And then Ruby is there threatening to kill him and he actually invites her to do it #He wants so badly for everything to be over #The pain the nightmares the calling Dean’s cell and hearing nothing but the memorized response before the beep #And he couldn’t kill himself because Dean gave his life for his #But this would be okay

233 1 hour ago via / source



the one thing that gets to me about this scene is that basically nobody addresses the fact that john grabs sam by his jacket sometime during the argument and starts pushing him towards the car that’s when dean physically intervenes between them - he’s literally pushing his father away with his arm bodily forcing himself between them to make john let go of sam also - at no point during the scene does sam put his hands anywhere near his father but solely with dean’s both verbal and physical interference - sam allows dean to push him around literally make him get in the damn car not john talk about winchester power dynamics 

it’s baffling how in a lot of discussions about the winchester family dynamic and the possible history of abuse this scene gets rarely mentioned and when even it does it’s contextualised in a way that puts dean’s unending ~martyrdom in the spotlight john grabbed at sam’s lapels and sam didn’t lift a finger violence between the brothers is normalised (never more evident than in the scene where dean bloody punches an injured and unstable sam for having the NERVE to take the car that by the way belongs to the BOTH of them and they both carry on like it was nothing) but this shows definitively that it’s a long standing familial pattern


8568 1 hour ago via / source

sick!sam in 2x11

queer-z0mbies: *whispers* you should definitely talk to me about Sam Winchester





Sam never had it easy. He was born into horrific circumstances. His entire life was doomed from his birth - when he was only 6 months old, his mother was violently killed and his father became obsessed, bordering on mentally unstable. He was moved around constantly, lacked any kind of stability and had very few positive influences in his life. Despite being brought up in horrific circumstances, he turned out pretty damn well and, largely thanks to a wonderful big brother, ended up a fairly balanced individual, all things considered.

Sam is intelligent. He is crazy intelligent! He never had any decent schooling - he was moved around, uprooted from any stable working environment, and never attended one singular school for more than a few weeks at a time. Despite this, he not only finished High School, but presented such damned good work that he was offered a full-ride scholarship to Stanford University, and got an amazing score on his S.A.T.

Sam loves and depends on his brother. Honestly, anyone who questions this is just plain stupid. Sam continually not only verbally tells Dean over and over again that he cares for him, that he would do anything for him, that he is his brother and his whole world, but he also continues to show this. He was completely broken when Dean went to hell, and though he hasn’t always seen eye-to-eye with his brother, he has forgiven him time and time again for really, really, really shady shit.

Sam has had it so hard, seriously. So he not only survives an emotionally abusive childhood, but he finally gets out of that life and gets out of hunting and finally gets what he wants - he’s a normal person again, and he feels whole. Sam does something for himself, doing what he must, what’s best for him, and his girlfriend ends up dead. She burns on the ceiling just like his mom did. Now he thinks he’s cursed - everyone he loves, all the women he gets close to die. It happens with Sarah, it happens with Madison, it happens with Ruby… if life teaches him one thing, it’s that he cannot ever get close to anyone, because doing so puts them in danger.

Sam tries his damn hardest to do what’s right, and it always goes to shit. Seriously, every major decision Sam has ever made has been because he honestly think it’s the right thing to do. Drinking demon blood was him trying to make the best of a terrible situation and doing what he could to get Dean out of hell, and kill the leader of the demons. Him saying yes to Lucifer and nearly destroying the world? He was doing the only thing he could see to do - trying to take Lucifer on from the inside.

Sam’s entire life was a lie. Again with the suffering and man-pain and terrible thing that has been Sam’s life. Seriously, his entire life was toyed with even before he was born! Heaven had a plan, their vessels all neatly gift-wrapped for them. Mary was dragged into it before Sam was even conceived, and from the get-go his life was continually manipulated by demons. He was fed demon-blood when he was just 6 months old, and continually throughout his life, demons were placed, posing as friends and the like, to push him in the right direction - towards Lucifer. He never stood a chance at a normal life. He was never going to get a happy ending.

Sam saved the whole damn world. Sam overcame motherfucking Lucifer, an archangel, simply because he could see his brother and didn’t want to see him hurt; he was reminded of how much he loved Dean, and jumped into the cage without a second thought, knowing full-well that he was probably going to be there, being tortured for eternity.

Sam is flawed. Everyone is aware of Dean’s non-existent self-worth and his trust issues, but few seem to be aware of how much Sam has similar issues too. Sam’s entire self-worth is based on what Dean thinks of him, and he really doesn’t see that he is worth saving. He still thinks that he’s impure and can hardly bear to say aloud that he has demon blood in him. He thinks he is nothing but a let-down to Dean, and Dean’s inability to trust him is the one thing that can hurt him more than anything else. Sam is also often stubborn, and he refuses to acknowledge Dean’s side of things. He’s sometimes too self-sacrificing, and he thinks he must somehow deserve all of the suffering he encounters, simply because he is a human who makes mistakes.

Sam is understanding and thoughtful. He thinks before he speaks, and he often considers things from other people’s perspective. He realises that many of the monsters they may encounter are innocent, and he is firmly of the belief that what you are means nothing, it is what you do that determines what kind of person you are. The whole reason he preferred to exorcise people with his mind was because that way the victim being possessed survived - he thought about the people they were actually trying to save. He empathises with those who are suffering, no matter what they’ve done, and often talks people down as an alternative to hurting them (eg. the woman who didn’t realise she was a ghost, Sam was incredibly kind to, and let her down easy with the revelation. The kid with telekinesis who was killing his abusers - Sam talked him down, he empathised with him and tried to reason… the list goes on.)

Sam tries to make the best of a bad situation. Every damn time. Seriously, this guy was poisoned with demon blood shortly after birth, and has felt impure and unworthy ever since. He had visions of the future and used it to prevent people’s deaths. And he took this dark and evil thing that was inside of him, and tried his damned hardest to make something good out of it. He tried to use himself, what was supposed to be a weapon for the opposing side, and use it to help people, to save people.

Sam is a selfless motherfucker. Seriously this man’s response to having a mental breakdown and being relentlessly, mentally tortured is ‘others have it worse’. Even after everything he’s been through, he continually pushes through, does his best to make good of a bad situation, and says that others have it worse so he can’t really complain. He’s okay. He’s always okay. He told Dean that when he went to hell, there were to be no deals, no take-backs, no nothing. And while Dean may secretly want to be saved because he needs that validation, Sam really means it. He was angry when he got his soul back and realised Dean had done something to get him out. He doesn’t want anyone else being put at risk on account of him, and he wants Dean to be happy and get on with his life, without the burden of a brother to protect.

I am really inarticulate, and terrible at explaining why Sam is so fucking amazing, but basically yeah, Sam Winchester is the most selfless, kind, thoughtful, loving, beautiful and morally motivated and fucking incredible person I’ve ever had the pleasure to encounter.


"I’m really happy for you."
"Thanks, Sam."


2526 3 hours ago via / source

8.14: Trial an Error.


I’m always surprised with Sam, no matter what because he never does what’s expected. What’s expected in the life of a hunter? Black and white, seeing things as split good and evil, drawing the line. With Sam he’s always taken extra care to see what was and what wasn’t. He’s saved the good as often as he could, and made sure that those who were bad were all bad before he would kill them, and even then with regret. Sam has a beautiful soul, as damaged, battered, bruised and totally burnt to a crisp it is right now.

Sam is good through and through, and in this episode [7.01] alone we see that so many times. We see Sam keep the fears that are creeping through to himself, we see him fight his own battles but smile and try to make sure Dean thinks he’s okay, he forgives Castiel, and he only ever wants to be good, and help the good.

Sam forgiving Castiel made me smile hugely even though I’m not a fan of the latter. He took a step no one else would, or even should, be willing to take. He took that step that no one took for him. He went out on a limb because in his darkest moment no one did it for him because he was labeled an abomination, and everything else under the sun.

For me it was less about him forgiving Castiel as much as him almost saying he was going to make sure that when others in his life messed up he would be quick to be understanding because as much as I love all the other characters on this show no one was willing to be that for Sam. At his worst he was dependent on a demon’s praises, and he didn’t have someone stand out there and go, “I believe in you. I believe you’re still in here and I believe in you enough to get behind you. You fall I fall,” so regardless of how close he and Castiel are, he made that step.

Sam was able to look at three years previous and go, “I was so messed up. No one in their right mind would’ve stood by me…with good reason,” but forgiving Castiel didn’t mean he thought Castiel was in the right. It meant that he considered Castiel his friend and he knew that he would’ve wanted someone, anyone, to be able to look him in the face while he was working with Ruby and tell him he thought he was doing what he needed to do, and that that was commendable.

What was it…? You can’t have faith in someone some of the time, you have to have faith in them all of the time. With Sam Winchester, his character has always been based so much on faith, and redemption because they were things he’s always been seeking out. Now Sam is practicing those traits and habits, hoping it’ll work… 

1771 5 hours ago via / source
away-to-the-tardis: I can't even believe this is my first time seeing your blog. Sam Winchester is the bae. Just, wow. Thanks for being perfect.

Thank you for the lovely compliment!

Anonymous: heyo! i was just wondering, when the sammybooklet is done, will you post pictures? not of the comments themselves, because those are private, i get that, but like, maybe the cover or something so we can see what it looks like? thanks!

Yes, we absolutely plan to post pictures of the booklet after the con! Just keep an eye on the sammybooklet tag and you’ll see it early next week :)

6204 16 hours ago via / source